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Serving /eula/ re-parsed the large (~122 KB) EULA markdown on every request. Under the rolling deploy's host contention (the renderer is capped at 1 CPU / 192 MB) that was slow enough that the contour /eula/ probe failed for its whole 60s retry window, while the smaller /privacy/ squeaked through; both serve fine once the host is idle. Render privacy + eula once at boot and serve the cached HTML (now ~1.5 ms, a memcpy). The offer stays per-request for its live price splice; the probe retry stays as a readiness backstop.